April was so joyous – perhaps that’s why it passed by so quickly. Enclosed in this month were 2 family bdays, 1 wedding, 1 night market, 1 cute dog, and many, many beautiful flowers.
I’ve been wrestling with a bit of retroactive jealousy this month, and I guess it’s ironic, or maybe apt, that I have so many pictures of flowers in my camera roll. I heard from somewhere that flowers are reminders to be present. They’re not here for long, and I think that’s part of what makes it feel so wonderful to come across them. So, we ought to stop and enjoy them while we encounter them.
In a similar vein, retroactive jealousy indicates a failure to be present. You’re letting their romantic past pull you away when you start to think about all the people they’ve dated, and all the things you’re doing together that they’ve done with someone else, and how not special it makes you feel.
These days when I catch myself in those thoughts, I try to redirect my mind from the past to the present, and remind myself that we’re both choosing to be together right now, and also that romantic pasts are common to have at this point in life, and that I too have one. I’m realizing now it’s rather reductive to think that loving people in the past makes the love you give in the present less special, because if anything, letting go of people I’ve loved has only taught me to love more intentionally, with more grace and gratitude.
madelaku 